‘Masters of the Universe’ review: He-Man, Teela fight Jared Leto in kooky toy movie

Mattel’s Oscars track record ends with “Masters of the Universe.”

The toy company’s latest movie is no “Barbie,” and Tony Kushner won’t be hosting any classy for-your-consideration events for it come winter. Thank goodness. 

No, this decidedly summer flick, directed by Travis Knight, was made solely for your amusement. It’s fun, helium light and doesn’t have a single thought in its dumb head. 

The trip will be nostalgic for some children of the 1980s and nineties, but I somehow managed to avoid 44 years of He-Man, She-Ra and Skeletor action figures, comic books and big-screen adventures starring Dolph Lundgren. To the uninitiated, just the title “Masters of the Universe” sounds pretty stupid. 

And yet the strength of Knight’s reboot — a word which becomes murkier by the hour — is that it leans heavily into that silliness rather than strenuously contorting it into a portentous, dark epic. You can’t very well approach characters with names like Fisto and Ram Man as if they’re soldiers in “Saving Private Ryan.” But in hungry attempts to mint their own “Lord of the Rings,” many studios mistakenly do just that. 

Not here. The zany tone of this appealing action-comedy-fantasy combo is a lot like that of 2023’s very good “Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves” in how it goofily distills high nerdery for the masses and has a blast doing so.

Will the masses actually show up? More on that later.   

The story of the beautiful planet Eternia falling to Skeletor and his subtly named henchwoman Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie) is easy to follow since we’ve seen many versions of it before. When the king and queen are captured, little Prince Adam is sent by a Sorceress (Morena Baccarin) with the Sword of Power to Earth in hopes that he’d one day return and save his home. 

See? So far, that’s the same plot as “Sonic the Hedgehog.”

Fast forward to Adam (Nicholas Galtizine) as an adult living in Oklahoma City. The dream! Everybody thinks he’s weird but nice, and he’s lost the all-important blade he came there with. He prowls message boards all day at the office trying to find it.

“You will be terminated if you don’t stop looking for weapons on the clock,” an HR person tells him. 

Lucky Adam recovers the sword and is whisked back by his warrior goddess friend Teela (Camila Mendes) to do battle with Skeletor and the cool looking Trap Jaw. 

A good word for Adam — a k a He-Man — would be himbo. He’s handsome, blond and there is no compelling evidence that he can read. Funny Galtizine, from “Red, White & Royal Blue” and “The Sheep Detectives,” is a little Luke Skywalker, a little “I’m Just Ken” as he learns to harness his innate abilities. 

Jared Leto plays Skeletor, though when doesn’t he? Since the villain has a skull for a head and his voice is distorted like a kidnapper’s phone call, you can’t really tell it’s him. However, he gives the baddie a Tim Curry flamboyance.

Coming closest to a thoughtful character arc is Idris Elba as Duncan, Teela’s dad and the general who trained a young Adam. He’s a do-nothing drunk who has to get back on his feet. And the British actor lends the Pixie Stick some gravitas.

The fights are upbeat and kaleidoscopically colorful for a palace called Castle Grayskull, if overabundant. But that’s hardly a unique affliction. The sequences are punched up by a rather addictive arcade-game tune from Daniel Pemberton and Brian May. 

Enjoyable though it all very much is, there is an inevitable problem “Masters” will face. I suspect there are a lot more people like me for whom this piece of mid-tier intellectual property holds little to no meaning or special place in their heart. It hasn’t had the staying power of, say, “Transformers.” And unlike me, they don’t have to see it for work. 

Making a $200 million movie out of a lesser loved creation is foolish, and so this movie is likely an entertaining one and done. Can’t see this franchise sticking around for all Eternia.